Friday 15.11.2024

Today is Friday. It is 11.15am. I am sitting on my bed with a turmeric face mask from Lush, writing this.

Today was a good day! I have been trying to turn my life around since the start of this year. And everyday has been a struggle. Some days are good, and some days are extremely hard. I am not allowing myself to think of any day as bad, because something even if tiny did happen that was good. Everyday. that is what I believe.

I went to the Gym this morning before work, and let me tell you, it was a proper struggle. I wanted to crawl back to bed after sending little Miss to school, but I persevered. Then I got home, got ready and off to work. Work was also good. Back home and then I had the energy crash.

** I have been having these periods of energy crashes through out the day where I cannot keep my eyes open and will fall asleep unintentionally, the doctor has no clue and puts everything down on weight **

I am also trying to sort my shit together, trying to be organised, which is something that I have tried multiple times in my life and failed. I am giving this another chance. Let’s see how it goes.

Today, I was reminded of a memory which up until the last month, I would have considered a good thing, an honour, however, in reality it was self sabotage, and lack of emotional intelligence on my part. During my year abroad, I was often referred to as the sunshine, a peacemaker in the house, because I would always go out of my way to maintain peace in the house. Two other house mates were awful and kept fighting, arguing, and me being me, always tried to be there for both of them separately. Eventually I was able to bring everything back to normal, but boy oh boy, did it mess up my brain.

I now understand that the fact that I decided to put my emotions and emotional needs aside to cater for other people left me as someone who is now unable to regulate own emotions. When things get real around me, I tend to isolate and distance myself because I cannot handle my own emotions.

I am a wreck. But I am trying to make changes because I do not wish for little Miss to be like me. I want to be present and have the stability to provide her with the tools and environment that she needs to be the best.

So here’s what I have done to be organised as that’s what took priority today and was on my mind whole day:

• read other people’s organisation tips and tricks and systems.
• plan to sit down tomorrow to dump everything on the paper and go from there.
• decluttered/tidied a very small corner of my room.
• Separated one account on another laptop that was pending from months, although not completely, but i got the basic accounts set up.

Let’s hope we can at least sort something or have some clarity before we jump into 2025!

Until next time.

Ciao!